Revised Sentences
1. Rita would always worry when I would leave town to play ball, but
nothing she was not used to.
Revised- Even though Rita was worried whenever I left town to play ball, she was comfortable with me leaving to play with my friends.
2. Money was never around so I never wanted it; money came and went as
quickly as it came.
Revised-For me, money was not something that I usually kept, because I spent it as quickly as I received it.
3. All of these events that have affected my father's culture in the
1970's have had a direct and powerful influence on what morals and
values that I have today.
Revised-The morals and values that I have today are based on the cultural experience that my father faced and taught me.
4. Although the Supreme Court had ordered many decisions saying that
discrimination was evil and not allowed, segregation was still at
large.
Revised-Even though the Supreme Court banded segregation, the evil deed was still practiced among people.
5. Television programs during the time period of my father also
influenced me.
Revised-I was influenced by the television programs of my fathers’ era.
6. The reason for Vietnam stagnating in its growth as a country was the
Vietnam War, the war against communism.
Revised-The Vietnam War, the war against communism, stopped Vietnam’s growth as a nation.
7. Sometimes I think I would prefer to experience the extreme
discipline that formed my parents into successful citizens.
Revised-To become a successful citizen, I sometimes wish to experience the extreme discipline that my parents had undergone.
8. That should not even be acceptable to produce seeing as that our
youths will see that kind of movie because that is what they have grown
to like.
Revised-It is unacceptable to produce movies that youths like just because they have grown accustomed to them.
9. Over the years of growing up around my father, I have realized more
and more that the way I live is more heavily influenced by his culture
in the 1970's than by my own.
Revised-Growing up with my father, I was heavily influenced by more of his 1970’s cultural experiences than my own.
10. My bilingual ability shows obvious cues to how I grew up.
Revised-My bilingual ability influenced how I grew up in America.
11. Compared to this generation that has never felt a depression, money
was much scarcer than now. Because of this, my parents raised me as if I
lived in that generation.
Revised-Because money was scarce during my parents time, they raised me the same way their parents raised them during the depression.
12. I spoke English all day at school, and came home to American
cartoons, causing my English to develop much faster than my Japanese.
Revised-although I was learning Japanese, my English skills developed faster then my Japanese skills because I spoke it in school and heard it in American cartoons.
13. Now as an adult I still do not splurge, mostly sticking to buying
out of necessity instead of boredom.
Revised-Now as an adult I do not waste money; I only use it whenever the need arises.
14. My father's inspiration was a movie and I am inspired by that movie
as well.
Revised-I was inspired by the same movie that inspired my father.
15. By far the number one biggest event that shaped my father's culture
as wee as my own culture is the music and movies of the 1970's.
Revised-Compared to the events that shaped my fathers culture, the events that had the least influence on me was the music and movies of his era.
16. I always throw in an introductionary phrase like "because of this"
in order for me to think that my writing flows properly.
Revised-In order to make my writing sound correct I would always add in an introductionary phrase like “because of this”.
17. Later in my mom's life after marrying my dad and moving to America,
she found herself in a completely testing situation for herself in a new
land whose culture was unknown to her and even scary in certain aspects.
Revised-After my mom married my father and moved to America, she found herself in a strange new land that had cultures that were different from her. These new cultures sometimes tested and surprised my mother.
18. The way I was raised by a single mother is more than perfect for
me.
Revised-I believe that my mother alone is perfect at raising me.
19. When they were kids; they lived on opposite sides of the tracks
from each other and came from areas with very different cultures.
Revised-When they were young; they both lived in different areas and experienced different cultures and backgrounds.
20. When her parents have gone through rough times in their marriage in
the past, my mom has been there to reassure her siblings that God has
everything under control.
Revised-During the times my mothers family was experiencing difficulty, my mother would always ensure her siblings that God would protect them.
21. Not only were homosexuals and minorities taking a stand on equality
and human rights, women were fighting for equality and abortion.
Revised-While homosexuals and minorities fought for equality, women were fighting for equality and the right of abortion.
22. My mother's raising me formed my character and makes me appreciate
her more.
Revised-I appreciate my mother for raising me and forming my character into what it is today.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
johnnytran1302's journal